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FAMILY AND FRIENDS SERVICE (SEPTEMBER EDITION)
With Rev. Wales

BUILDING BETTER RELATIONSHIPS

Two friends embarked on a journey; one saw an axe, picked it and said “I have found an axe”. The other friend said “no friend, don’t talk like that, don’t say I have found an axe, and instead say we have found an axe”. Not too long as they continued on their journey, they’ve not moved too far from where they found the axe when they discovered that the owner of the axe was in hot pursuit after them. So the axe-finder said to his friend “we are undone” and his friend responded “no, hold on to your first mode of speech, it is not we, you picked it and you said that you found the axe, so you are undone”.

Say to yourself “All good relationships begin with me” be it relationship with your Spouse, Parents, Children, Employer, Employees, Friends and so on. We all are involved in series of diverse relationships in our lives and we have our part to play in whatever happens to each of these relationships. If any of these relationships must get better or improve, then you must become a better person. For instance, If my relationship with my wife is going to improve and get better, I must be a better husband; if the relationship between my kids and I is going to improve and get better, I must be a better father; if the relationship between the members of the church and I must get better, then I must become a better Pastor and this applies to all forms of relationships that I am involved in. That is why I said “All good relationships begin with me” it begins with you as well. Before I say that my wife doesn’t respect me, have I examined myself; before a woman will say that her husband doesn’t love her, has she examined herself; before you tell us that people everywhere don’t like you and don’t want to associate with you, have you taken out time to look inward and see if peradventure there are things that you are not getting right.

Newton’s Third Law of Motion says that Actions and Reactions are opposite and equal; the mistake we all make in relationships is that we concentrate our effort on the reactions of others to us while we ignore the actions that triggered such reactions, before we shift blames on others based on the feedback we get from them, we must consider our actions. For instance, I asked my wife to buy me an electronic tab which she did surprisingly though it wasn’t convenient for her at that period; the truth is that her action will invariably trigger certain reactions from me.

Do you want your husband to love you as a wife? Do you want your wife to respect you as a husband? Do you want people all over the world to love and admire you? Check “PRO 18:24” out. It says “A man that has friends MUST show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother”. “MUST is an indication of necessity, if you want people to like you, you must show yourself friendly. Life only gives back to you what you put into it. No one can like people on your behalf; it is your non-transferable responsibility.

Treat people right. People are to be loved, Things are to be used. There are employers of labour that all they do to their employee is use them. A young man who left me sometimes ago for another place to work with someone else for the space of one year where they made over N1,000,000 (One Million Naira), he returned and I asked how much he was paid, he said not a dime.

Are you critical, judgmental, temperamental, touchy, snap at every little thing, intolerant, run people down, downgrade other people’s deeds, self-opinionated? How can people stick your personality? You must show yourself friendly if you want friends. Do you run other people down when they share the visions and dreams of their heart with you? They will run away from you. What about your countenance? What kind of look do you wear? How come you look dull as if the whole weight of the world is upon your shoulder? How can people approach you if you have an unattractive countenance, repelling face and moods? And you keep saying “this is me” when people confront or correct you. That is not you. You are only living in delusion (a false belief that is resistant to confrontation).

There are no uninteresting persons, God didn’t create boring people. If dogs and other animals are interesting and fun to be with, how much more the person created in the image and likeness of God? Stop living in delusion and self-deceit of “this is me or this is the way I am”. Whatever you are today is what you have become over time due to your circumstances, environment and the people that raised you. You were born without an attitude. You were formed by circumstances, environment and the people that raised you. Have you seen babies before and their countenances? Normal baby always smile if they are not sick or hungry. When you were a baby, you used to smile but because life has dealt with you several blows, then you enter into your moods.

If people relate with me well, I caused it; if people do not then I must take the blame. If a number of people are telling you the same thing, check it, they can’t all be wrong. You must accept the truth first that this is not you and it can never be you. You must make up your mind to become a likeable person, don’t be too serious for life. Loosen up.

RELAX! SMILE! SING! CELEBRATE! YOU HAVE FOUND FULFILLMENT. It is recorded in Luke 10:21 that Jesus rejoiced in the spirit when his disciples returned from witnessing. A translation says that “Jesus spin and danced in the Holy Ghost”. Laughter doeth good like Medicine. If you are married and you want an exciting home, come alive and become romantic. Whatever you did you get his/her attention, sustain it.

Cultivate good attitudes, you will be a very lonely person if you are rude, snubbish and harsh to people. Learn to talk to people with respect, imbibe good manners. Your attitude will either attract or repel people. Attitude is more powerful than beauty, titles and social status. Infact, attitudes can make beauty ugly. Pro 11:22 says “As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion”. Message translation says “like a gold ring in a pig’s mouth is a beautiful face on an empty head”.

Attitude can be a servant that can open to you gates of life or shut against you doors of possibilities.
Your attitude is the Liberian of your Past
Your attitude is the Speaker of your Present
Your attitude is the Prophet of your future

What comes to mind when people remember you. What happens when people come in contact with you? Your attitude is visible, it manifests, and it speaks. Your attitude will determine the favour you will or will never enter into. It’s attitude that removed the crown off the head of Queen Vashti. A beautiful face is not enough; we need good attitudes and manners. Make up your mind to become a better person so your relationships can be better.

We cannot keep passing blames to others when we suppose to build better relationships. We can all relate better than we are doing now. For every relationship we are involved in now, be it our parents, spouses, friends, siblings and all, it can get better and we are responsible for making it better.
We need good relationship, stop building fences around you. We need people in our lives. The spirit of divinity is relationship and God said “LET US…” we need to become better so as to be able to keep people. Relationships are tools of advancements. There are some relationships we will enter into that we change our lives forever.

God know you most, yet he trusts you the most. Learn to love people, trust them, forgive them. We do all of these not for other people’s sake but for our own sake. Be careful how you shut doors of friendship because you might need such a door again. Don’t write anyone off; never say “I will never need someone”, only two people can say that – God or a fool. Be careful how you treat people.

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